“… When I got lapped by the lead pack with about 2-1/2 laps to go, I cheered, “Go Sally!” and then kept going. I ran as hard as I could. In fact, I hobbled past two people in the last two laps. I was 13th, and way off a PR, but I hit the goal I had set for myself. I absolutely never gave up in the race.
After the race, as I changed out of my spikes and into my sweats, I told Shalane Flanagan that for the next two or three weeks I am “wearing my mom jeans.” I am only two days in, but already having a ball filling my day with Colt.”
I’ve been feeling especially burnt out lately, and between my second opinion yesterday and reading Kara’s post I realized why... I’m burnt out by the obligation I feel to this blog and all things “CAUTION: Redhead Running.”
Every since I became injured I have felt this sense of duty to maintain the brand, be as supportive as possible of everyone else with their training and races, reading and commenting daily, posting miles of any form to keep that zero off my weekly training log on Dailymile, coming up with content here on the blog, in short, trying to be some kind of injured-blogging-superstar to “prove” to everyone that I… that I what? That I was still working out? That I was diligently doing my PT workouts? That I was keeping my head up despite setback after setback? To what benefit? All of it was/is unnecessary pressure I’ve placed on myself and I really don’t know what I was trying to “prove” now that I think about it. I don’t have to “prove” anything to anyone.
A scab does not heal if you constantly pick at it right? So how can I expect to overcome this when I force running down my throat 24/7? I am strong and I will never give up fighting, but even Kara isn’t “on” 24/7. I am human, I have feelings and emotions. While I have genuinely been excited for each and every one of you and your accomplishments these last few months, there has also been a part of me that can’t help but get sad for myself, that gets jealous, that feels left out, that longs to be out there running and racing too.
And that's the thing, I know I’ll run again, I’ve never doubted that, but I’m not doing myself any favors by dwelling on it day in and day out. After reading her post the other day I asked myself “What Would Kara Do” if she were in my situation?
While I don’t have any “mom jeans” to wear, I do have “me jeans” and I think if Kara found herself in my pink trimmed Asics 2160's (Don't worry Nike this is strictly hypothetical) she would focus on recovering both mentally and physically from the injury. I think she would put on her “me jeans” and give herself a break.
So that is exactly what I intend to do; from here on out I'm giving myself a little break from posting, logging, tweeting, etc... cuz I've got this bone to stimulate. Heh. I hope y'all understand and I can't thank you enough for your never ending support through all of this.