After posting it, I was reminded of a coping exercise I learned while in therapy; writing a “Let Go” letter. (No, I am not ashamed to admit that I have worked with a therapist on two separate occasions in my life; once during college to combat stress induced anxiety and another when I was required by a previous employer to meet with a PTSD therapist after I was held up at gun point during a shift.) Now back to the “Let Go” letter, the thought behind it is fairly straight forward; you write a letter, void of restraint and address all your feelings about/towards the person(s) and/or situation that is causing you grief, frustration, disappointment, anger, etc... Simple enough right?
That being said, y’all know I have been struggling with this injury over here. It has been 12 weeks since I injured myself and 75 days since my last run. Every time I thought things couldn't get any worse, I suffered setback after setback after setback. I went from initially being given an overly optimistic recovery plan to having to revert to the most conservative. (i.e. Das Boot) For whatever reason my stress fracture has the persistence of cockroach.
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So, in an effort to rid myself of the anger, frustration, disappointment, discouragement, etc… that has been festering within me, I am writing it this letter so that I can "Let Go" and move on. After this post I promise you I am done talking about it. When I finally have some good news to report I will definitely share it with you, but until then, you'll hear no more whining from me. Sound good?
Dear Stress Fracture,
You have broken my spirit in a way I did not think was possible.
You have invoked within me an irrational fear that I will never heal or recover and have robbed me of my confidence, mobility, and quality of life. You have left me feeling weak, worthless, and beyond repair when my every attempt to overcome your wrath is met with a another setback to endure. You have left me feeling like a burden to everyone in my life and continually test my resolve by planting seeds of jealousy and resentment into my heart. The pain you have inflicted both physically and mentally has left me exhausted from lack of sleep and emotionally drained.
I have had enough.
Your presence has overstayed its welcome and I will not allow you to plague another moment of my life.
You have invoked within me an irrational fear that I will never heal or recover and have robbed me of my confidence, mobility, and quality of life. You have left me feeling weak, worthless, and beyond repair when my every attempt to overcome your wrath is met with a another setback to endure. You have left me feeling like a burden to everyone in my life and continually test my resolve by planting seeds of jealousy and resentment into my heart. The pain you have inflicted both physically and mentally has left me exhausted from lack of sleep and emotionally drained.
I have had enough.
Your presence has overstayed its welcome and I will not allow you to plague another moment of my life.
Defiantly,
Red
41 comments:
Thanks for sharing that with us. Such a heartfelt, emotional letter. Mine would have just said Eff you, stress fracture, you suck balls.
Anyway, what a great idea to write a letting go letter. I'll keep this in mind when I need to let go. And holy crap! You were held up at gun point?
I feel like your blog is so honest about your injury, it's really refreshing. I know you're going through hell, but I think that helps give validation to all of the other injured runners who feel the same way. We can all learn from your experience. Too bad it sucks, right?
P.S. held up at gunpoint?! Holy cow!
Wow. Just...wow. Bang on! I love your honesty. The frustating part of being injured. Love that your blog shows the ups and downs (and, boy, this injury is a major down). And yes, I've said it before, you will get through this. That stubborn leg of yours will heal!
And, uhm, held up at gunpoint? What the what!!!
I love how honest you are with your injury and other things. Hang in there, the injury can't stay there forever, it will heal!
Maybe you should take up swimming. Key West hosts a 12 mile swim around the island every year!
If this stress fracture were a physical manifestation, I would get together a large of group of people to BEAT THE LIVING S OUT OF IT!!! That is all.
Thank you for sharing.. SF's are nothing but pure evil. They have no real reason, we no real recovery other than. DO NOTHING. No real time line other than.. wait till there is no pain. If we look up SUCK IT.. we will see stress fractures.
DO YOU HEAR THAT, STRESS FRACTURE?? *shakes fist*
Be gone!!!
This sounds like such a great idea. I hope it helps, even in some small way.
I got chills reading your letter. You are an incredible person and athlete. You WILL overcome this!
Great post! You hit it perfectly with the confidence. I find confidence to be on the #1 thing that makes me feel good with endurance sports. Finding the confidence is one thing, it is then maintaining it and worrying about losing it that is the hard part is mostly a mental game that your brain plays on you.
Coming to terms with an injury and accepting it is the hardest thing you can do.
Now let the healing continue!!!
That was a very honest and heartfelt letter. Hang in there! We all love and support you! Don't ever forget that!!
Honesty at it's best, and so well-written! The kicker is the sign-off, this thing has NOT beat you. Nor will it :)
Uh, another note, "held at gunpoint during a shift" - Girl! Whoa.
Very eloquent letter. Perhaps the most eloquent letter a stress fracture has ever been fortunate enough to receive. Your attitude and outlook are commendable, and I can only imagine how difficult it is to continue to seek out the bright side. We are all pulling for you physically and mentally. Heal .... heal .... heal....
Having never been lucky enough to meet you (yet) in real life, you suddenly are so much more real to me. Thanks for sharing how you are honestly feeling as you work through this challenge. I pray that your Let Go letter helps you to move forward and allow the healing to take place.
I love you!!!!! I hope this letter helps you as well.
This letter is very similar to what I plan to say to my boss when I leave my job in two weeks. Go figure.
Hope the healing continues. I am hardly commenting lately but I am reading.
This letter is very similar to what I plan to say to my boss when I leave my job in two weeks. Go figure.
Hope the healing continues. I am hardly commenting lately but I am reading.
The thing is...you are among runners. Like minds. We can all imagine how hard this would be (and some of us have even had a taste of what you are going through). Talking about it helps, so don't hold back if you think you need to let it out. I bet that letter felt good to write! Good job hangin' in there.
You are awesome and you will get through this! I cannot wait for the day all the horribleness is just a distant memory for you...the day WILL come. That said I greatly admire your optimism through all this and cannot wait to see your smiling face in a few days! :)
The 'letting go' letter is such a powerful tool. Being injured blows. Big time. 12 weeks…75 days…I think you hit emotional bottom and I will bet that having written that letter will really help you get through the next bit of time with this beast :)
Pulling for you :)
Thank you so much for being honest about what you are going through. I have recently been getting over an injury and your blog has been a source of inspiration for me. You are a fighter, and are incredibly dedicated. I am not much of either, so your posts mean a lot to me. Keep fighting! You'll be better soon!
What a great idea and how well you said it. I look forward to the letter telling the sfx goodbye!
Perfectly said <3 we all love you!
i got chills reading this. i am so over you being injured and so ready for you to be back in action. i'm sending lots of healthy bones/healing vibes your way. and please, if you ever do need to talk about it, do. we're here and ready to listen and support you and curse with you and drink with you and you know, anything you need chica.
You probably are really tired of talking about your injury. You have been injured longer than I have (I came down with runners knee in late March and really haven't done a run since). Though I felt like I was reading my own thoughts in your post today. Sometimes I do feel like a burden on my friends and family since I talk about my injury a lot, because running and being active is such a big part of my life.
Just this past week I think I reached the acceptance phase, and I stopped being upset about being injured. I have rehab exercises to do every day, and I am just going to do them until I get better. I've "let go" of my 2011 race plans, and my only focus is on getting healthy. I think you brought that up in a prior post that your current goal is to simply get healthy.
I know my injury will come up on my blog again, even though I will try to not talk about it as much. But I try to be as honest as I can in my blog, and if I'm thinking about my injury then I'm going to write about it.
Good luck with everything, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and when you look back on this after you are back to running you will be overjoyed at just running 1 mile without pain.
Just remember you are an inspiration to everyone around you. They say everything happens for a reason...I have a feeling that when you qualify for Boston and look back on your "learning experience"...a smile will come to your face knowing that nothing can knock you down.
((hugs)) I understand how frustrating it is. Remember to focus on what you can do and feel blessed. Work on the gun and 6 pack so you can really kick a** when you can run again. :)
thank you for sharing your "letting go" letter. sending you (((hugs))) and good vibes. you're a strong person; you will get past this. you are such an inspiration, we all love you and are pulling for you and hoping and wishing that you heal sooner rather than later!
sort of a nice way of saying "HEAL B**CH!"
Hoped this help. I love doing this. And feel free to use the blog as an outlet anytime no worries, we are here for you!
Hang in there sweetcheeks! :) miss you!
I loved this note. It was fabulously written.
I SO GET everything you wrote. And if you want to complain more, feel free to email me - I've been dealing with a stupid injury since January and it just sucks so bad to wait with no particular timeframe as to WHEN the waiting will be over.
Stay strong, my friend. You will get through this.
fist bump to a strong chica!
(two birds to the sfx)
wow, what a GREAT post. you said it perfectly and i really hope that helped you a little. you are so strong, morgan. hang in there...just a little longer. *hugs*
You are so inspiring. You remind me daily that I have nothing to complain about.
Well done. Very. well. done.
had to share this: http://theskinnywebsite.com/site/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/FP_7379483_Witherspoon_Reese_POD_00_11.jpg
You've apparently spearheaded a whole new hollywood fashion trend ;)
this, too, shall pass. you are amazing. love your honesty. hang in there, rock star. you will run again. like the wind!!! and i can't wait to read about that.
I can't remember if I posted already, but please don't feel bad about venting re your fracture. It's kind of been therapeutic for me to read it. Got back today from doctor who is trying to decide if I have a stress fracture or just bad shin splints. Either way, I'm panic-ing.
Aww man, this hits close to home. But I love how you're taking control. Not sure if this helps, but when I hit a rough patch during yoga, my teacher repeats 'I am not my mind, I am not my body, I am so much more' Somehow that helps and immediately I feel like I own the moment. You got this!
i needed to read that...BE defiant, Red!
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