Sunday morning as the dawn broke over Lake Lansing, I set out on my long run... Approximately .25 M and almost three minutes later I stopped, no longer willing or able to go further. It was in that moment that I finally accepted the reality of my situation; I would not be running the Grand Rapids Marathon on Oct. 17th.
In the latest edition of Runner's World an article entitled "Good Grief" recommends sidelined runners adopt a specific (and familiar) grieving strategy:
In the latest edition of Runner's World an article entitled "Good Grief" recommends sidelined runners adopt a specific (and familiar) grieving strategy:
- DENIAL (Ignorance is Bliss)
- ANGER (It's Not Fair!)
- BARGAINING (Just Let Me Exercise)
- DEPRESSION (What's The Point?)
- ACCEPTANCE (It's Working!)
I have definitely been working through these motions for awhile now; I spent most of the last seven weeks denying/ignoring the pain, I've been angry, I've been depressed and almost every week I bargained with myself and Coach EK of how "if I can just run this next workout..." then I still had a shot at a BQ, Finishing, etc...
Even though I had accepted my fate Sunday afternoon I still made a last ditch bargain; if I could run my next workout on Tuesday without being in significant pain then I still had a shot at the CRIM 10 M at the end of the month and... "without being in significant pain..."?!?!?
As I limped around in minor discomfort this morning preparing for my run, it finally hit me. ACCEPTANCE: when a person agrees to experience a situation, to follow a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it, protest, or exit.
Why was I going to go out there and try to run when just walking around was painful? Why was I going to start my day off with another botched run that would leave me upset and in even more pain? What could I possibly gain from that? Absolutely nothing.
But I could gain something from ACCEPTANCE. I could start my recovery plans immediately. I could take the rest of the month off like I had discussed with Coach EK and I could take that first step towards regaining my life back. I have already wasted too much time over these leg gremlins; I want to be able to walk around, sit down and sleep an entire night without being in pain. Recovery starts today. Right now.
This "Personal Goal Waiver/Release" has been sitting on the coffee table for a few weeks now. Whenever I looked at it I would think "3:39:xx" but to date I've never filled it out. As my injury persisted and my quality of life took a nose dive because of it, I think my refrain to complete this was my subconscious telling me that I needed to re-evaluate my plans. And now I have. And I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. It's not the decision I wanted to make but its the right one and I know that when I come back, healthy and no longer in pain, I will be a better runner because of it.
"The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry" - Robert Burns
Even though I had accepted my fate Sunday afternoon I still made a last ditch bargain; if I could run my next workout on Tuesday without being in significant pain then I still had a shot at the CRIM 10 M at the end of the month and... "without being in significant pain..."?!?!?
As I limped around in minor discomfort this morning preparing for my run, it finally hit me. ACCEPTANCE: when a person agrees to experience a situation, to follow a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it, protest, or exit.
Why was I going to go out there and try to run when just walking around was painful? Why was I going to start my day off with another botched run that would leave me upset and in even more pain? What could I possibly gain from that? Absolutely nothing.
But I could gain something from ACCEPTANCE. I could start my recovery plans immediately. I could take the rest of the month off like I had discussed with Coach EK and I could take that first step towards regaining my life back. I have already wasted too much time over these leg gremlins; I want to be able to walk around, sit down and sleep an entire night without being in pain. Recovery starts today. Right now.
This "Personal Goal Waiver/Release" has been sitting on the coffee table for a few weeks now. Whenever I looked at it I would think "3:39:xx" but to date I've never filled it out. As my injury persisted and my quality of life took a nose dive because of it, I think my refrain to complete this was my subconscious telling me that I needed to re-evaluate my plans. And now I have. And I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. It's not the decision I wanted to make but its the right one and I know that when I come back, healthy and no longer in pain, I will be a better runner because of it. "The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry" - Robert Burns
63 comments:
Sorry to hear that. But like I told you yesterday, you'll be back stronger than ever and ready to rub that 3:40 marathon time in my face :D
As tough as it is, it's better to pull out of the marathon and take a real rest in order to combat your issues than it is to plunge further into what's been a painful training regimen. There will be more marathons in your future, no doubt, and taking the time now to rest and get past your issues is just ensuring that happens. Stay strong.
I know how hard this decision is and I know you'll make it through. I think you should plan something extra fun on that weekend so you have something else to look forward to. It worked for me at the last MCM bust up. I love you and am sending cyber hugs your way Boo Bear.
I blame Michigan
I am sorry to hear about your decision. But it sounds like you can now set Negative Nancy aside and bring on Positive Polly. You can totally take time to recover and come back a healthier runner for it. I loved reading your "Confessions..." blog. I have been beating myself up too. I am sending you fantabulous recovery vibes your way. :)
I've always said getting a major running injury has grieving stages like cancer(I have never read this article) so I see it's true! This is/was a very hard decision but as I told you a very wise one. As I can not say I have come to such maturity! Get mad, rest up, heal then get back out there!!!
Bummer! I was holding onto hope that you would be able to make it, but you are making a wise and mature decision. There will always be other races. Recover and you will get there.
I'm not gonna pump you up. You don't need it. You're injured, and it sucks. Trust someone who's been running again for two whole weeks after being sidelined for 3 months: This too shall pass.
In the meantime, I have some advice: Stay up late on Friday and Saturday nights, have a second glass of wine, eat the damn (cake, cookie, pizza, whatever). Because as soon as you are healthy, and it's time to get back to business, you will be ready to buckle down, get sleep, eat healthy, and skip the booze. So, the best thing about being injured is getting all that out of your system while you can.
And one more thing.... you are so young and have PLENTY of years left to BQ, and I know you will!
Take care and smile.
So sorry! =( But it seems you made the hardest but best choice. Heal up and you'll be back out there faster and stronger and ready to run!
Everyone else pretty much covered my thoughts so I'm going to send speedy recovery wishes your way!!
So sorry! I was actually hoping that your legs would come around and start cooperating.
You made the right decision; definitely the more sensible thing to do! Rest and recover for the time being and just focus on the next race!
You will get that BQ, no doubt! :)
Hugs! I know it's a tough decision to make, but making the right ones often is. Can't wait for your comeback! :)
this is such a tough decision to make. but it is surely the best one, the one that will keep you running for years and years and years, instead of only another month or so. tons of luck as you start the rehab process. and think of how strong your comeback will be!!
It's so hard to make this decision, but it's so worth it in the end. You'll heal and come back so much stronger for some time off. I had to make a similar decision this week, and am looking forward to lots of bike riding as a result. Hang in there.
I'm sorry sweetie, but, I know you'll be a better runner for it, like you said. And like I said, I'll be on Boylston to cheer you on. Whenever that happens--because it will!! I know it.
That's a super hard decision to make, especially when it's something you want and have worked so hard for. I think in the long run your body will thank you for your decision.
Enjoy life at a slower pace for a while and get the R&R you need.
Hang in there!!
Ouch. That has to be hard, but it's the right decision. You certainly don't want to realize 1 mile into the marathon that you're not going to make it. Better to concentrate on healing and taking it easy.
I think you made the right decision even though it is the hardest decision of all. No wants to stop running, but no one wants to run in pain either! I really hope the rest helps you get back to full strength!
this must have been such a hard decision. There will be plenty of races. The most important thing is to exterminate the leg gremlins!
Boo! But at the same time, good! Who wants to run a marathon in MI anyway? Since I never signed up for this one we can both do it next year instead :)
now where is that schmoopster with another leg massage? I order one for the redhead, stat!
Aw girl, that was no easy decision to make. I was so rooting for you, but you are making the right choice. Let those legs heal and you will be back better than ever. Good luck!!! {HUGS}
Yay for acceptance!! I still struggle daily withd enial and not accepting that my body just can't and wont do what my mind wants it to. It's been 10 months since my last long run....can you even believe it. I ran 1.65 miles last night, my longest since October of 2009...craziness. Try to get better and listen to your body! I know it was hard to decide not to race but it is the right decision!!
Morgan, this isn't an easy decision to make so I commend you for making a tough one after committing to training. Your body is telling you it's not the right time, which is hard for any runner to hear. You're doing the best thing for your body though so you can recover and come back even stronger for a marathon in the future. Hang tough!
That sucks that it has come to this, but your happiness is #1! Marathons will always be there and BQ'ing will always be there. Heal your body and take some well deserved rest. You are going to come back stronger and faster because you will be letting all of your hard work soak in.
I am glad to read you are listening to your body. You know it already but there will be many many more races for you because you are doing what is right for your body. Well done! It is a harder than trying to run the race! Knowing when to NOT.
Sorry you've been faced with this decision, but it seems like you've made the smartest choice. I hope you are able to find and treat the root cause of your leg pain, so that it can be gone for good.
Oh my goooosh girl, I 110% feel your pain and I am SO sorry. I, too, was signed up for an Oct. 17th marathon (the Denver Rock and Roll). I too, am cursed by leg pain (IT bands are the worst. who needs 'em). I too, had to accept the fact that I can't train through that debilitating, depressing pain. And I too, had to withdraw from running my Oct. marathon. Could we be twins? Possibly. Hang in there! We'll get through these stupid injuries!
Hang in there girl. Get healthy and then get back out there. You'll be glad you did!
I'm sorry! I realize that must have been really hard on you to say you have to wait this one out, but you'll come back a much better and stronger runner. You can still BQ! (It just won't be on Oct 17th.) Enjoy your rest time :)
very similiar to what i went through when i decided i had to back out of the ultra. i was devasted but immediately relieved to know that recovery was starting and i would be back out there quickly. take the time you need, giving it complete rest will hopefully make a world of difference. you'll be back out there in no time...rest up!!
I am so proud of you for listening to yourself and your body. I KNOW how ard it is! I agree with Jess though, start giving in a little, enjoy this time off and work that cross training like a MO-FO! BQing will be there, I promise! And Boston 2012 will be a blast - you and I can party again together ;)
This may go quicker now that you have let go of trying. You may heal so fast! I'm rooting for you! And kudos to you for putting the big girl pants on and listening to yourself!
Big hugs and love!
I know it's hard right now, but you made the right decision. Heal and run another day and when you're in the home stretch of your next marathon (running a BQ)...you'll be so thankful you listened to your body and took the time to heal.
Best of luck!
good girl, you are listening to your body and to yourself and made the smart and right choice. there will be other marathons and now you can focus on healing instead of this race looming over your head. you will come back stronger than ever rather than making an injury worse. keep your head up :)
huge huge bear hug. I know that you have made the right decision and that doesn't mean it's going to be easy, but your long term running legs will thank you and i bet spike won't complain either cause you will be much happier
*hug* It may not feel like it right now, but you are doing the right thing. You will be insanely fast when you are through recovery!!!
I'm so sorry, love. I've been having some issues with arch pain the last couple days and it's KILLING ME. I'm taking the next 3 days off of running and I'm praying it gets better. Why are our bodies failing us? It's just so disheartening and disappointing.
Thinking of you. Rest up! XO
I pulled the plug on NY this year, so I hear ya. There are other races, and discretion is the better part of valor.
I am sorry to hear your leg issues haven't gone away but I am happy to hear that you are going to give your body the rest it needs.
There will be other races!
You could cross train for a triathlon! Just sayin'...
I can relate to this on many levels. I have been sidelined for 3 months. Acceptance is definately the beginning of recovery though. Get on with that part of it so you can put this behind you at some point. :-)
Having bagged two races this year due to injury myself, I totally get where you are coming from- I also very much related with that article!
I am sorry you had to make this craptastic decision; it sucks a lot to have to let go of something you want- and not be able to do what you love. But listening to your body now is going to be instrumental to your running future.
love you <3
you don't know me, but i've been stalking your blog for awhile now. i am broken hearted for you. it's one thing to go from a time goal to settle for "finishing" and another to (wisely) decide to withdraw from the race. i wish you speedy recovery and healing.
chin up sister! everything happens for a reason- deciding to not run was a wise decision and you WILL be stronger in the long run because of it. :) if you need to vent, i got yo back!
I'll be there to help you from 'just trying a run;' to help you get better, and to see you run your next race!!!
I agree that you made the right decision! I am so sorry that you are in so much pain!! How disappointing to not be able to do something you had your mind made up on... but, it will make you stronger in your return!
That had to be a hard decision and I'm sure it wasn't an easy one.I'm so sorry. Being injured just plain sucks. Take care of yourself now and before you know it you will be training for next marathon and will get that BQ!
I am so sorry. My husband can't run the Chicago Marathon with me this year due to different circumstances and bummed too. I had to cut my chase for the Chicago Marathon two years ago due to an ankle injury. I was looking forward to running with him this year in redemption. Oh well!
I hope you feel better soon. ((hugs))
Acceptance is a big deal and really hard for a lot of people. You've made the right decision. I wish you a speedy recovery!
It takes a strong and smart person to make this call. I know many who didn't and are living to regret it today. Good luck with your recovery and I know we'll see you out there when the time is right.
Good for you, taking the high road. No sense in doing more damage (physical, emotional, and psychological)for no payoff. After your legs and your spirit heal, you will enjoy the journey as well as the victory.
Smart girl - choosing to recover and heal and revel in what your body has already done for you in the last year (2 marathons! And a PR!). :) I always admire the honesty and sincerity we get over here; in whatever way, you'll bounce back from this, and those gremlins will eventually realize they messed with the wrong gal ;)
Fell better!!
I've been following your saga with great hope as I struggle with the same question. I'm well past my 20s and so skipping one marathon seems like admitting defeat beyond just the event. Your willingness to make a hard decision deserves admiration, and my guess is that the ultimate payoff will be that much sweeter.
Do I like this...NO! Do I respect this...YES! I know how much you wanted this Redhead but I agree, pretending and fooling around on injured legs is probably not going to get you to where it is you want to go. Rest up, heal, and get back the LOVE you have for the sport! The crazy long runs, the obnoxious hills, and quest to BQ will still be here when you get back!
Heal well, my friend!
Wow, you're way smarted than me! I know that it's tough but it sounds like you have accepted it. Live to run another day.
Gosh, this really brings me back to my sFx when I had to decide not to run the Twin Cities marathon. I felt VERY similar to the way this post was. BLAH. But, you know as well as I do that it is the right move.
How are you holding up??? I know that you're doing the cross training stuff, but you know what I mean.
I think you're doing the right thing. I wish you the best!
So sorry! But, you're doing the smart thing! Wishing you a speedy recovery!
Right there with you, Morgan. I hung around "denial" for waaay too long.
Have a speedy recovery.
I'm sorry you are injured, but thank you so much for posting this. I am in the same boat and as I read this it put things into perspective for me also. I thought I had already reached acceptance, but was depressed that day and thought I had gone back a step, but then I realized that what I thought was acceptance was still bargaining. Hang in there!
Awww, Red. I gotcha on this. It is soooo tough to feel like you're admitting defeat, but in the end you're doing the best thing for your body. :-) I hear ya--I dropped from my marathon, too (and weren't they on the same day??)
Big Hugs.
I'm sorry to hear about your injury and I wish you the best on your road to recovery. I'm right there with ya...I had to drop out of my marathon in Ocotber too because of a leg injury. I read that same article and could identify with each step that was described.
I read the same Runners World article and totally identified with it. I'm going through an injury too and it completely sucks. There's no other way to describe it so I'm right there with ya!
Bless your heart. If you haven't had enough heartache with injuries then I don't know who has. You are smart to make the right decision for you right now. Hang in there!
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