When I started this running nonsense I was terrified to approach a running group because that meant I had to potentially talk with other women. This seems like a rather odd fear but the simple truth of the matter is this; Women are not very nice to other women.
Or at least this was my experience. Women by nature judge each other. Upon meeting another woman, a woman or group of women size you up. It's very intimidating. In social settings I am petrified when I have to interact with other women because I worry they will have a prejudice against me before I ever even open my mouth. Because of this fear I either a.) Try to be as overly friendly as possible, thereby sealing my fate as "that girl"; the peppy, annoying one or b.) become a wallflower and count down the minutes til I can escape. *sigh* I can never win.
Or at least I felt like I could never win until I started running. After running with the BRA B.o.B forced me to talk to a running group here in Orlando last year. Since then I have ran off and on with a coed group, a group devoted completely to women and have had multiple blind running dates with other women and do you know what happened??? All these women I met have have been so.frigging.nice. For once, I did not feel judged or sized up at all. We shared a common interest and therefore a common bond. Conversation flowed like a faucet and at first glance one might mistake us as long time friends. Running has so many wonderful health benefits as we all know, but it also has another, rather unexpected benefit;
It's helped me be a better person.
I had always fancied myself a fairly approachable person but since these interactions with virtual strangers I have really assessed my own behavior in social settings and make it a point to extend my hand and smile to other women. Sure not every scenario ended in making a new friend, but at least I put myself out there and stayed true to myself. So what if I'm the peppy annoying girl, at least I own it now.
52 comments:
Very nice write up! You are very peppy, but definitely not annoying! It's good to have a peppy cheerleader when running / training.
I've gotten to the point in life where I don't worry so much about what other people think of me. My fear with running groups at first was simply that I didn't consider myself a runner. Now I'm a lot more comfortable in my own skin and abilities. it's all good...
I feel the same way. I always felt/feel more comfortable around my guys friends than my girl ones! I have my trail running group here, but all the women are older so I've never felt intimidated. But I do feel like running has made me a better person because I'm so much happier.
It is true that women do judge a lot and its so hard but I do think runners are different. Its hard to be the one to extend a hand and say hi first but sometimes it is worth it!
It's so very true, great post!! I'm much more confident since my running in general, in fact, women judging and my newfound confidence came in to play last night! So I giggled at this timely post today :)
I went to my first team meeting alone. I was scared to death because I fall into the "talk because I am nervous" category. But they all accepted me 100% and now I am on the Teams Board!
As for blind dates, you were my only one and I guess I pretty much trusted you since I flew 1200 miles to visit!!
Great post. I haven't had a blind running date, but I definitely am hesitant to go to running groups full of women because I am "the positive, energetic, happy one" so there must be something wrong with me..I used to try and turn it down a notch but now I say the hell with them - I am me.
I totally agree. I have the same fears when it comes to talking to other women. I love running groups and the bonds that we all share without hardly even knowing each other.
One of the reasons I got into coaching is because it forced me to talk with other runners.
I am really needing to find a running partner in the same sense that you did. How did you meet your blind running dates to set those things up???
Good entry! I'm usually a pretty anti-social girl, but I've always wanted a running buddy or group to give me a kick in the pants. In my 17 yrs of playing the oboe, I've noticed that people who have a common interest (in this case, music) are usually really nice to each other regardless of their ability.
Doing the communal running thing was a HUGE step for me, your Classic Introvert, Exhibit A. I discovered that I actually LIKED running with other people! Who knew!
I've gone on a few blind running dates, too, most memorably this one.
Duh this is how I met your pretty face! I seriously had never done anything like that before (ahem meeting up with someone I met on the internet lol) but obviously it worked out!
I totally understand where you are coming from. I just ran for the first time with a group out of my local YMCA. I was and still am a bit intimidated as it's hard to not feel judged when you meet new people, especially women.
So we will see how it goes! My blog will keep that progress updated!
I haven't met a runner yet that I didn't like! ;-) Okay, this maybe is an exaggeration, but when you share a common interest that is such a big part of your life style, you have a lot of common ground right away... If that translates into other area's of life, I don't know.
My "biggest" blind running date was joining a relay team with only knowing two other team members out of a 12 people team. In a couple of weeks we are going to run our second relay together and in between we have been constantly keeping in touch... Several of them are going to join for my wedding celebration in a couple of weeks... They have become my running family!
Well said...I've had no blind running dates yet, but the women I met through my running group are super nice! Runners are cool :)
I'm still scared to join a running group... but thanks for the post; I think I'm that much closer now!
Have been lurking for a while but a first-time (I think) commenter. Great blog!
This is such a great post!
I haven't gone on any running blind dates yet, but would definitely like to. The one thing holding me back is all the injuries I've been plagued with lately and I'm SO slow I don't want to hold anyone back. Hopefully one day soon!
I was intimidated by the group I joined, until I went, and now have a fantastic running partner. I was afraid to be the non-runner that held others up. Instead, over the course of 6 months, I became more confident running with other women in my group. Each one challenged me in a different way and I know I benefitted from it.
I agree that women are more competitive with other women and can definitely be shitty to others. However, it is about feeling comfortable with yourself and realizing that you have nothing to lose.
Plus, although you and I didn't run, our coffee date was lovely! Next time you are in Denver, a run will be in order. And some adult beverages, too!
Love your post.
Although I am turning 40 this coming October, I still have moments when I feel like I am in High School. I try to remind myself that most women feel the same way I do and I try to not let the fear of what people think rule me. It is liberating to let go of your hesitations, fear, and own judgments or preconceived ideas about others (but it isn't always easy).
I love running with other women and even though I am S-L-O-W if I find someone who runs like I do--I feel like I won the lottery---first date feeling, here I come.
For the most part all women I meet who run are nice, but occasionally I run into a competitive runner who can't seem to grasp that I am not competing with them:)and that both of us can love running and be REAL runners.
I still get "the stare" from some women in my group, when I walk in with a smile and big hello, and I've been in the group for five months! The older women are really nice and so are the guys, but I just don't get it.
I actually have not (yet) had the pleasure of a blind running date, but I have made sooo many friends through running. I've never been one for girlfriends (same reasons you stated), but I have met some seriosuly awesome women and you can truly build a great relationship over a few good long runs.
Great post!
My first blind running date wasn't so much blind as it was reuniting with someone I went to college - who I had never run with. I think 6-7 years had passed? And I was afraid of the same things - I didn't want to run with another woman, especially one who I knew was such a strong runner, because I was afraid she would judge me. And now she's one of my closest friends, and it doesn't matter that her thighs are smaller than mine or my pace is a tiny bit faster, because we chat the entire time and I love running with her.
I also think it's changed as I've gotten older - in college all of my closest friends were men, but now that I'm in my late 20s I could not live with out the women in my life.
First time posting!
Great post! I joined a running group in January and managed to meet some really awesome people who I plan to stay in touch with for a very long time.
The timing of this is unbelievable; I have my first "blind bloggy running date" this evening, I will let you know how it goes.
This is my first comment, so first of all "Hello there!" :)
I agree about meeting women; it can definately be intimidating! But runners in general just seem like such friendly people! I have at least one running "blind date" setup, and I'm really looking forward to it! It seems like such a great way to make new friends! (and who doesn't like that :)
No blind running dates here *sigh*
But I will say that when I first started running I felt like an outcast. Runners were not the nicest people at times and I wondered if my nice self would survive. I went to lots of races where I knew no one and I felt no link to any of them. I have since learned that not all runners are that way, much like the general population, and I know to only spend time with runners/people who make me a better person.
I was nervous for my first blind running date with Tall Mom! I feel silly now for being nervous, she was as nice and awesome as she seems in her blog. Since then I have met a few other local bloggies blindly it it has gone well each time.
Yes, we are all kindred spirits! I agree with you, running has made me a better person too, as well as more self-confident and centered. I want to help others find the joy and love that comes with running!
And just so you know, every group needs the peppy type!
I don't really have them. I get so wrapped up in my schedule, that when I finally get out the door, I could never make a prearranged date. So, I just feel lucky to go out. Even in the big races, with scads of people around, I rarely talk to anyone.
But I have run with a running group a couple of times and really, really liked it. It just is hard to make fit. That is going to change this summer for marathon training. I am going to be more social.
I run early in the morning and I'm pretty focused on my individual runs, so it's pretty tough for me to run with other people. But there's a group I catch up with for fun about once a week. Today was one of those days ... I joined them for a few miles. Unless you hate people, it's fun to be social, but I try to stay focused on what I'm trying to accomplish with my training runs.
Well, I just started a running group and I'm happy I did. I'll still be a solo runner, but I'm enjoying group runs more.
Haven't yet but I hope to try one soon!
you know, i never thought about it before but you're right. running has really opened me up in new social situations where i might have before not bothered to introduce myself or chat up other people.
i completely agree, i think running has made me more outgoing and more willing to talk to other people and make more friends. i was actually kind of in a "slump" with life before i started running and didn't have many girlfriends that lived around me. now i feel like i have so many (and most through running) and i love them all!!
maritza - one of my bffs - i met on a running blind date through blogging <3
Completely in agreement! Running groups are the Best - I started going to "mine" last Summer with Ivan, and the first time he couldn't go I almost didn't go...then I realized how ridiculous that was, kept going on my own, and voila! It was awesome. I've met a Lot of my good friends in DC (and bf :)) because of it and I wouldn't change a thing!
have yet to do a "blind" running date, but have a few blogger meet ups in the works and can Not wait! it's been fun to read about your adventures down there, meeting up with several ppl at races, etc :)
So. seriously. when can I get you in DC?? ;)
agreed I am 100% more comfortable meeting someone to go run than out in another social setting. Probably because I don't think they'll be looking at my clothes or hair!
no blind running dates..but I do enjoy when U come across paths fo another runner at your pace, or at his/her pace, and you strike up a friendly convo.
I've never had a blind runner date, but I've been keeping contact with a woman who ran the last 3 miles of a 20 mile race with me. I think women are less judgy of women who have things in common with them.
I've also heard from other women that they generally only get along with other women who generally get along better with men.
great post.
I'm not sure if it is all of the endorphins, all of the fresh air, or the fact that we can spit whenever we want, but runners really ARE a pretty good breed. I've met RunningLaur and JeffG in person and had a blast. In fact, I hope to have several more blasts.
If you could tell me how to hook up with some of these female only running groups, that would be great.
(BTW - I'm always trying to balance being "that guy" at a party vs being a wallflower. I'll bet you can guess which side I normally error on.)
Last summer I ran with three different running groups and I miss it SO MUCH. I loved running with other people, even though most of the people I met to run with were much older than me.
I really want to meet more people to run with but don't know how to go about doing it! *sigh*
It's so sad that you ever had to feel that way about other women. I know what you mean though...
I haven't had any running dates, but I've had some blind dates with bloggers and it has always gone really well. It's interesting to sort of "know" someone and THEN meet them haha. I find in general the blogging community (minus the negative commentors) are very positive and friendly people!
When my two best girls moved to different states after they got married (sheesh) I didn't have any girl friends other than work aquaintances.
Then I started running with a group. And I met Sarah. And we clicked - and had plenty of time to talk while running! And she invited me to join her group of girls, and then I met more and more ladies who run! Years later, they are my closest friends. It's amazing how equalizing running is. We are all up at the butt crack of dawn, no makeup, hair pulled back, all dressed the same. There is no room for the visual pettiness. (not that my girls are like that AT ALL anyway)
And it's amazing what you'll tell someone in the dark of 4:30 am!
I haven't gone on a 'running date', but I have to say, the women runners I have met at races (and here in bloggy land) have all been super nice and supportive! It's a nice change from the 'norm'. Women are super b*tchy to other women...what's up with that??
i like this post. i feel like that too. ive been thinking of joining a group also, but hate the way women look at you and judge.
Maybe i will join. this post inspired me! thank you
Some of my current RBF's started as blind dates. I TRY TO be myself 100% so that people know what they are getting from the start. Why sugar coat it?? Hugs to getting out there and meeting great people..
i feel the same way! i was so nervous to deal w the runners out there. NOW because of the blogs and just being out there running/biking (cant really bump into peeps swimming) i have a ton of runner friends. not a day goes by when im running in Central Park and I pass like 5 friends and we yell or high five! speaking of which, you and spike need a NYC running trip! im a great tour guide.
I am sorry you have had bad experiences in the past! One of the reasons that i love running is because of all of the really neat people you get to meet and run with (girls included)! Great post :) i'm still hoping we can be in the same area and run together some time!
Love how honest you are!
Runners get runners, and that's so awesome!
Love how honest you are!
Runners get runners, and that's so awesome!
I've been looking around for a running group, but I've been nervous about being the slow one of the group. This has given me a little more confidence that I could still find a great partner who's also a little slow!
You have put into words exactly how I feel in social situations with other women. And how I feel around other runners. The starting and finish lines of a race are one of the only places I don't feel uncomfortable or intimidated by the women around me.
I have a similar insecurity. As I've gotten older, I feel more of a kinship with other women. But growing up I always hung out with guys because it was safer emotionally. Women are bad to one another... but I have noticed it's less as we age.
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