Two weeks back I had a 25% off coupon to Sports Authority, so being the thrifty girl that I am, I booked it into SA the minute the coupon was valid to continue on my never ending quest to find the perfect running shorts. I have issues finding pants/shorts/underwear/bathing suit bottoms/skirts basically anything that has to go on the bottom half of my body. First things first I am only 5'1" in all my glory (and that's on a good day) that being said, understand that I am mere inches away from being midget status. I also have a booty... and hips... and thighs.
I'd decided that for today's shorts excursion that I will try spandex/fitted shorts. So I scour the racks and try on every single solitary fitted short in the ladies department much to the fitting room girls dismay. With each booty revealing pair I squeeze on or have fall off me I get more and more frustrated. Is it really so hard to find a pair of frigging shorts?!?!? The sales girl offers to help me by asking what it is that I am looking for.
Me: "I am looking for a pair of fitted shorts that are wicking, won't ride up and that aren't skanky*."
SG: "By skanky you mean?"
Me: "You know, when I'm running I don't want people seeing underbutt or ones that make me have a camel toe. So they can't be those underwear looking ones but I don't need them going down to my knees either. Do you have anything in between?"
SG: Gasps for air as she attempts to breathe amongst laughing and crying...
So she finds me three pairs that look promising; A pair by Nike, Under Armour and Champion. Being a Nike girl I go with them first, the length is good, the material feels good and fits properly in the front and then I turn around and gaze at the wide expanse that is my booty. I peak my head out the fitting room door...
Me: "Um excuse me but these Nike shorts... are you supposed to wear something over them?"
SG: "Nope you just wear them like that, they've very popular"
So I step out of the room and show her my butt.
Me: "Um are you supposed to be able see that I'm wearing a thong or that my butt hasn't seen the sun in ages?"
SG: "Oh um yeah that's not going to work huh. Let me get you a bigger size"
I try on the next size up. Revealed booty is no longer revealed but the front is so baggy I could easily stuff all my running gear in there. Nike Shorts = FAIL.
Next comes the Under Armor shorts. I pull them on and am instantly horrified. I am rocking so much camel toe and under-butt that not even the next size up could help me! Under Armour Shorts = FAIL.
Finally I pull on the Champion shorts. They fit. In the front. In the back. In the hip. In the length. Can it be? Can it really be??? So being pessimistic I go give it the ol' "Run Test." Yes that's right, I have no shame, I run around stores in shorts I'm contemplating buying to gauge whether or not they ride up. So out of the room I go lapping circles around the area and skipping. Sales girl is about to pee herself she is laughing so hard.
With run test a SUCCESS, I buy my shiny, spandex-y new Champion short-shorts and go home to parade around the house in them. The Brunette doesn't get what all the excitement is about because "they're not even that short." (The Brunette played volleyball in high school and college and is also 5'11" and ALL legs)
With two long runs under their waistband I am happy to report these are my new fav running shorts. They ride up a wee bit at first but once I'm sweaty they stay in place and are good to go. Say hello to my "little" friend...
*If you can rock those short shorts, more power to ya sista! They just look skanky on me!
I'd decided that for today's shorts excursion that I will try spandex/fitted shorts. So I scour the racks and try on every single solitary fitted short in the ladies department much to the fitting room girls dismay. With each booty revealing pair I squeeze on or have fall off me I get more and more frustrated. Is it really so hard to find a pair of frigging shorts?!?!? The sales girl offers to help me by asking what it is that I am looking for.
Me: "I am looking for a pair of fitted shorts that are wicking, won't ride up and that aren't skanky*."
SG: "By skanky you mean?"
Me: "You know, when I'm running I don't want people seeing underbutt or ones that make me have a camel toe. So they can't be those underwear looking ones but I don't need them going down to my knees either. Do you have anything in between?"
SG: Gasps for air as she attempts to breathe amongst laughing and crying...
So she finds me three pairs that look promising; A pair by Nike, Under Armour and Champion. Being a Nike girl I go with them first, the length is good, the material feels good and fits properly in the front and then I turn around and gaze at the wide expanse that is my booty. I peak my head out the fitting room door...
Me: "Um excuse me but these Nike shorts... are you supposed to wear something over them?"
SG: "Nope you just wear them like that, they've very popular"
So I step out of the room and show her my butt.
Me: "Um are you supposed to be able see that I'm wearing a thong or that my butt hasn't seen the sun in ages?"
SG: "Oh um yeah that's not going to work huh. Let me get you a bigger size"
I try on the next size up. Revealed booty is no longer revealed but the front is so baggy I could easily stuff all my running gear in there. Nike Shorts = FAIL.
Next comes the Under Armor shorts. I pull them on and am instantly horrified. I am rocking so much camel toe and under-butt that not even the next size up could help me! Under Armour Shorts = FAIL.
Finally I pull on the Champion shorts. They fit. In the front. In the back. In the hip. In the length. Can it be? Can it really be??? So being pessimistic I go give it the ol' "Run Test." Yes that's right, I have no shame, I run around stores in shorts I'm contemplating buying to gauge whether or not they ride up. So out of the room I go lapping circles around the area and skipping. Sales girl is about to pee herself she is laughing so hard.
With run test a SUCCESS, I buy my shiny, spandex-y new Champion short-shorts and go home to parade around the house in them. The Brunette doesn't get what all the excitement is about because "they're not even that short." (The Brunette played volleyball in high school and college and is also 5'11" and ALL legs)
With two long runs under their waistband I am happy to report these are my new fav running shorts. They ride up a wee bit at first but once I'm sweaty they stay in place and are good to go. Say hello to my "little" friend...
*If you can rock those short shorts, more power to ya sista! They just look skanky on me!
28 comments:
Yay! Glad you found some you like. I may have to bite your style and give these shortys a try.
you are too freakin' hilarious!
not gonna lie...i love me some skanky running shorts! it's weird, but i feel prettiest when i'm in my work-out clothes (maybe that's cuz, given the minuscule nature of my shorts, i might as well be going out to a club when i'm dressed in them?). Glad you found a pair!
I am laughing my butt off over here at that whole description!!!
Yay for finding perfect running shorts! I don't have any that I love. :(
I have the same issues but in a completely different way. Those particular shorts...and most others...would be skanky on me! They don't make anything to fit a 6' tall woman who isn't 300 pounds. I would love to try something more spandexy (word?) for spinning classes though...
Must look into these!
I suffer the same problem- 5'1 but I have thighs and hips and a butt! I like Asics 4 shorts the best but have had some luck with Adidas as well. The quest for the perfect pair is still ongoing...
I may have to try them! I also have a HUGE tush and have had SO much trouble finding a pair of shorts that fit good!! Usually I just wear capri's because shorts ride up too much with me!
OMG, I love your candid attitude! I am the same way, I love running in the spanex-y shorts the most but have the hardest time finding them. What type of champions are these?
Glad you found some that worked for you! I stick with the Nike Shorts that I posted about earlier this week. I can't make myself branch out..although I really want to try a skort..
I feel your pain Morgan! Finding pants that fit my 6'6" super skinny frame is like trying to nail Jello to a tree! Thanks for the entertaining post! :)
I like those shorts. I wear some very similar. I like that they generally stay in place. My issue is having a tank that falls low enough to cover a portion of my butt.
LOVE LOVE the thought and effort you put into buying shorts. IF we ever met we would look hilarious, me at 6'0 and you at "near midget status".
YIPPEE for new running spandex. I have an AWESOME pair of Nikes with a zipper pocket in the back I wore for my marathon. I bought them at the running store for WAY TOO MUCH but I am in love with them. I will try to find the link..
Moving comfort that I reviewed this week is also great!! Thick material keeps things hidden, but is comfortable.
Turn yourself around, Sister, go back to SA and buy yourself three more pairs. Even if they aren't on sale. You'll be kicking yourself when those wear out...only to discover Champion changed the cut/length/waistband.
As a big-butt girl with a little, tiny waist: Hear me now and believe me later. When you find something that fits, buy every pair they have in your size!
PS - SITS!
Omg you DID NOT tell the sales girl about the camel toe! lamo!
I'm so glad you found good shorts. I have stayed away from shorts all together for all the above reasons you mentioned. I run in nothing but capris and tights. I am way too scared to attempt the shorts!
Great story. I can only imagine you dashing about the Sports Authority! LOL!
I am a fan of running skirts because they have that built in butt cover and if and when they ride up, no one has to know.
I agree with the other comments that suggest you go back and get more. You'll be sorry if you don't.
This is a perfect example of why men dont normally shop with women. Ya'll are crazy!!
You have me wanting to go try a pair. I love my skirts since they cover the behind but I've been tempted to try the shorts. I just don't know about the being so tight... I doubt everyone wants to see what I have to offer on the backside... So funny about running around the store in them. I could totally see myself doing that!
Oh yeah, that camel toe can be a bitch. Glad you found some that fit. I might have to try those.
Ha! Glad you found your holy grail of running shorts. I'll wear Under Armour tops, but no way I'd try the shorts. If they cling the same way as the shirts, noooo thanks.
shorts are the bane of my existence. I personally like my booty nikes but they are SHORT ha ha.
reason number two as to why it rocks to be a guy (peeing in the snow, sand...is number one). I walk in, pull the Brooks Sherpa II or Nikes off the rack, never try them on, and walk out the door (after I pay of course).
Totally cracked me up. Glad you found something!
Although now I have that dang "who wears short shorts" song in my head, thank you very much...
Love the post!
Can I say that there is a guy at the guy that wears short shorts? I'm not even joking. You can see EVERYTHING. And it's not like they are black shorts. Nope, they are green or purple or blue. Goes along with his skin tight shirt and headband. I'm just glad that he workouts at 5:30 so little kids don't have to see him! It is not pretty.
I have worn those under armour spandex shorts and they do ride up. Hope these ones work for you - its tough to find good spandex shorts that fit correctly!
Is "The Brunette" cute?
Kidding, of course. What's with the volleyball shorts these days? At least those worn on the beach. They are borderline disturbing and have reached the point of unflattering.
yay! glad you found what you were looking for. :-)
glad you found some awesome shorts for you :) nike tempo track shorts are the only ones i wear!
I call these booty shorts, I have a pair and love them. I have to admit that I think they embarass my "nike only running shorts" running friends.
LOL Rock them girl!
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